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You’re the unlucky one?

Conversations often go a little like this with most people when you explain that you have Cystic Fibrosis. “Do your parents have CF?” “No” they are carriers of the gene, meaning I had a 50% chance of being a carrier myself, a 25% chance of not having CF nor being a carrier and 25% chance of having CF.

 

“Does anyone in your family have Cystic Fibrosis?” “No I have an older brother, and a younger sister and neither have Cystic Fibrosis.”

 

“OH so you’re the unlucky one then?” “Yes that’s me”

That’s usually my standard answer to a preempted conversation, I always know that people will determine that I’m unlucky and I laugh it off and agree. But really I am far from unlucky, I actually consider myself to be one of the lucky ones.

 

I don’t know whether its peoples preconceived ideas that determine a person with any illness must be unlucky, whether it’s a way of sympathizing with someone with an illness or a way to avoid the truth that the illness will kill me one day and any further conversations into the topic of death, pain, and suffering. But whether it’s for these reasons, a combination or something else entirely I really should say no in fact I am the lucky one. Because its only when something is taken away from you that you begin to see the beauty in everything else.

 

I will never know what its like to not have Cystic Fibrosis its all I have ever known, but because I do, the beauty in everything else is amplified. And for that I am thankful.

 

Almost 5 years ago now I sat in a hospital room with my friend Brooke. She was an inspiration to many and a hero to me. This little girl was larger then life itself and the spirit and fortitude she possessed was unheard of. We talked about our dreams as if we didn’t have Cystic Fibrosis. We dared to dream beyond the walls CF built, and confined us too. What we wanted to do should CF not try to take us. Further study and travel where top of the agenda but sadly a few months after this Brooke passed away due to complications post double lung transplant.

 

Brooke has been a constant source of inspiration and motivation even after her passing. I replay her laugh, and smile in my head whenever I think of her. That cheeky little girl is one of the biggest reasons I consider myself lucky. I’m lucky because she was my friend, she taught me what it meant to be brave and how to fight.

 

I’m lucky because not only did I get to graduate from University once (Bachelor of Medical Science The University of Sydney) but twice. I now hold a Master of Pharmacy from the University of Newcastle. Something that I may never of done had I not had CF.

 

I’m lucky for the simple fact that I am still here, alive and breathing. If I was born with CF even 10 years earlier, the truth is I may not have made it to 26. So I am thankful for all the advancements and medical breakthroughs we have had in my lifetime.

 

I’m lucky because I have a supportive and loving family that make living with CF and fighting it every day just that little bit easier.

I’m lucky that I’m the one who has CF because honestly I think its harder on family and friends to watch the destruction, illness and heartache it causes. It’s easy to be brave and smile when you have the illness, it’s all you have ever known. But to watch someone else, feeling powerless must be the hardest thing in the world. I know that when I’m gone (not for many years) my pain will be over but for my family and friends it will only just be beginning.

 

I’m lucky because I have the most supportive CF team that look after me. Both when I was a child at the Children’s Hospital Westmead and now as an adult at John Hunter Hospital. To have people that genuinely care about your health is a blessing and I’m forever grateful for that. Not everyone is afforded that gift through his or her own illness journey.

 

I’m lucky because CF has taught me that life is short. CF has pushed me to dream as big as I can. Adventure is everything to me, making lifetime memories is what makes me happy. I’m lucky because I’ve been able to tick things off my bucket list for years now. Something some people leave till it’s too late. Too often people die with their music still inside them but CF has given me the courage and motivation to dream and also to make dreams happen. I’ve travelled to more then 30 countries, I’ve been to university (twice), completed a marathon, started to build a house, become a godmother to an amazing little boy, all of which I consider myself lucky to have done.

 

Cystic Fibrosis will never take away my soul, my fighting spirit or my ability to dream. It may take away time, my beautiful friend’s and ultimately my breath but until that day I will continue to find a reason to smile. Whether it’s the little things like enjoying The Ellen Show while in hospital, the sunshine or being able to shop without being out of breath. The big things like going on an adventure to a new destination, ticking things off my bucket list, learning to ride a motorbike, building a house. Or something in between like spending time with my family, laughing, or going to the beach - there will always be beauty in this life. And because of that I will never give up.

 

While ultimately having CF doesn’t mean I have won the lottery, (I could easily spend 5 million if I had too) it does mean I have won at life – because I choose to love more deeply, live loudly and laugh at every opportunity. Because to live is simply a beautiful honor.

There are a million reasons why I’m lucky to have Cystic Fibrosis and next time I have that conversation ill choose to reply with NO I AM THE LUCKY ONE. If your still reading this then you are one of the lucky ones too, you just need to find that reason. 

 

 

Morgan is a 26-year-old intern pharmacist on Sydney’s Central Coast, residing in the beautiful Newcastle. Whilst work keeps her busy – she is always up for an adventure. Morgan has travelled to more then 30 countries with plenty more to visit, walked a marathon and started to build a house. These things may seem simple but to Morgan they are everything because she also lives with Cystic Fibrosis. Morgan chooses to live by the mantra “Life is one big adventure” to ensure that life doesn’t pass her by.  This means her Bucket List is ever growing.