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Throwback to being in hospital

Speaking to people I realise how many have a tainted experience of hospitals. Whether it be memories of unwell loved ones, scary surgery, sickness, pain, or even death. As soon as they walk in they get all clammy and nervous. They hate the smell and the morbidness. For me hospital is somewhere that I go when I'm feeling awful, and come out feeling a whole lot better. Having spent so much time there, I love the clinical feel and the smell of hand sanitiser. I'm comfortable wondering around the wards, seeing sick people being wheeled in and out, watching the doctors in their scrubs, and the sound of the Code Blue warnings. It's almost like a safe zone, a second home. No matter what happens, I know I'm in the best place possible. They've got my back. 

But no matter how many times you do it, no matter how many times you arrange a self admission, walk yourself through those doors, and unpack your suitcase for the two week stay. It never gets easier, it always feels lonely, and it sucks being away from your family and friends. I might have spent many hours at appointments, many weeks in admissions, and many months avoiding the looming "tune-up", but those two weeks still feel like forever. You always miss out on some event you've been looking forward too, an amazing bout of weather, or an important milestone in someone's life. 

I always avoid those hospital stays for as long as possible because it's like this rude reminder - "Hey don't forget you've got CF, you're pretty sick, and there's still no cure"

But despite all that, sometimes you just gotta put on your big girl pants and get it done! 

"Hope is that thing inside us that insists, despite all evidence to the contrary, that something better awaits us if we have the courage to reach out for it and fight for it" - Jason Carrasco (Quote from the Autobiography 'By Your Side' ... highly recommend) 


My name is Jackie Hodson, I’m 25 years old, and I have Cystic Fibrosis. People often ask if I wish I had been born healthy instead of with CF. My answer is always the same; no. I am the person I am, because of this devastating disease. I am grateful, I am heartfelt, I am strong, and I have learnt to appreciate every single moment in this magical world. I know that no matter what number is put on my life, I will have experienced more happiness and love in my lifetime than anyone who might live for many years more than me.